Miss Lady Godiva Speaks

Tights Are Not Pants Entry Rant #1:

2008-07-29T07:57:00.001-07:00

Tights are not pants.
Stop it.

The shiny tights like Black Eel. Those are acceptable, but when you decide to rock those in a size to small and it stretches out the shine so much to the point where you can see the white pieces flake off...yeah.

That's not the move.

Tights are replacing pants for all the wrong reasons. If you have a T-Shirt, do not
rock tights. Are you heading to the gym? Are you going to bed during the winter?

Then, Miss Regular T-Shirt Wearer, why are you wearing tights?

I am the Black Gold of The Sun

2006-10-25T07:35:00.000-07:00

I missed you blog.

I missed writing to you.

Sharing my thoughts and writing the shit that most people find incredibly funny.

Most importantly I think I have broken out of my personal writers block.

Boy, we got some catching up to do.

OPEN LETTER TO BLACK PEOPLE

2006-01-22T14:41:00.000-08:00

Please save the Soul Train Awards.

I know it got cancelled. I know none of the young people care anymore, but I remember watching Natalie Cole peform hits like, "Pink Cadillac" and Alexander O' Neal prance around to the Detroit Hustle classic, "Fake".

Although I was young and had a head full of knockers (those round plastic elastic jump offs) and twists, I really liked those songs. Soul Train was the only outlet that allowed Black performers to be well culturally true to their word.

Guess this is what happens when people forget the cultural relevance of history.

After all, it's what kept Black history alive. Looks like Black History is losing its lustre in the eyes of the Sidekick Clique (Generation Y R U wearing tights as pants).

Open Letter to Black People

2006-01-15T14:35:00.000-08:00

The church is not your personal show boat.

Please refrain from using church as a way to show how Black and Rich you are.
I appreciate that you have come up in the world.

But delegating 15 minutes to "Postcards from Your Upper-Crust Black Church Members" is ultra-exclusionary.

I thought that church was an all around welcoming place for everyone, but I am noticing that ya'll have
great way of making a spiritual place seem like a "who's who of Black showboatin'".

When are WE going to stop excluding others.
Please tell me when.

Black Church get it together.

Thank You.

When the going gets TOUGH!

2006-01-10T14:12:00.000-08:00

The tough say fuck this!

It has been apparent to me that I must be just a woman that must be use to having less.
Being less and coming up short these days.

I work a less than gratifiying job as someone's personal bitch in Harlem.
In an environment I could care less about. Right in the middle of sucking
down the disappointment and pushing on.

Right about now. I cannot hide my feelings or lack luster desires.
I have proven that I have no interest and will continue to have no interest.

All of this, while in the midst of looking for a new job since moving here to New York.
And still coming up with blanks and no dice.

I have moved here in persuit of a dream. Fufilling my degree coupled with experience,
yet I have not done that all.

Instead I am selling myself short, barely getting by and making life hell for those around me
including my employer.

What does one do in this situation?

Give Up.

Which is right where I am about to be at this point.

*sigh*

Guess Who's Back...

2006-01-06T00:00:00.000-08:00

Tamara Dobson. Educate your tastes please.

Details Later.

Suckers.

Peace.

Relinquish the bad enter the GOOD!

2005-07-31T20:54:00.000-07:00

321...
123...
What the heck
Is bothering me?

Relax, Relate, Release **pushes out the bad, brings in the good**

I've been doing that for weeks.
Countless weeks. My job search for New York has emerged into a living nightmare where all I do in think of jobs and how I don't have one and how I need to get the living heck out of Largo, Maryland.

The DC Metro Area in general is a relative hell basket for the career field I should be in and frankly the more I sit here and think about it, the less I can agree that DC provides the space I need to do what it is I want to do.

Thus, one needs to take hold of the good things that are present in their lives such as employment, friends, family, and knowing that God, somewhere sees that you're losing your Black mind.

In lieu of this factor, I need to go back to writing. I have completely neglected my blog and my writing responsibilties. I miss commenting on the things of then, now, and later. Most importantly I have missed key opportunities to make fun of several
moments in Black Embarassment history.

BET Awards
Hustle and Coon
Essence Magazine and its new "owners"
Ying Yang Twins

Just a slew of things that are totally hilarious.

For this I apologize.
Life sometimes hits you with a double whammy and then blows into face and giant wave of bullshit.
I just need to start living the better part of it again

Yeah as for Manstrike...

2005-07-30T20:19:00.000-07:00

I was chewing them up and spitting them out like a freaking spider

It did not go as planned.
Well it sort of did actually.

I still have no boo, persay.

However, I did manage to have incredible sex with one man (yeah I know shut up).
I also got rid of my Suge Knight problem. Those guys are complete jerks. Give me a funny, athletic nerd instead.
I found out how to make a man completly powerless. By treating him like he treats women, then letting him know that you are better than any porno movie, and then removing him from your life to a point where all he does he think of you.
It is so empowering!
I discovered that I need to be free and be me. I allow myself so little and right now I am in transition.
I learned that the materialistic things of this world are more appealing when you are broke. Which sucks alot.
I have acquired a new favorite drink. It is the Starbucks "Strawberry Lemonade" Blended Frappe.

Men this summer have existed as short term, or mini term relief partners. The few that I dealt with were shocked that I treated them so loosely and were amazed that a smart, intelligent woman like myself, actually knew how to play the game.

They didn't like that.

How funny.

It amazes me how a man can say he wants a woman that understand her role and then freaks out when not only she fufills it but decides that through her "Is this the one process" to elimnate him from the "fringe benefit" process and use him for his stronger suits.

Do you seriously expect me to give you my all when you cannot even catch up with me?

Are men that silly to believe that all women are still settling for "Joe Blow and I Said So?"

This summer I was also presented with several sexual suggestions by random ass men that I couldn't take seriously.
One suggestions was a threesome...Which I am glad never came to pass
One was a night time rendevouz with a cutie from out of town...Couldn't find any lodging and I didn't take him seriously anyway given his approach.
One involved a video tape...Quickly declined
And another hinted at a swinger type situation...No and more no

Throughout this time, I found myself asking:

Do I truly admire monogamy and its benefits too much perhaps?
Or maybe I have become a bitter black woman that is now going through the "I don't love them hoes" stage?

I think it is a mixture of both honestly.

I do know this.
That the Manstrike Manifesto of 2005 was not a complete failure.
It was moreso a lesson of temptation, choices, honesty, and faithfulness.

I believe in love.
Sex just comes up quicker during hot ass summer months.

"I am not making love to anything that remotely wack"

2005-07-19T21:12:00.000-07:00

I wouldn't let this fool cut my grass, let alone be my sex soundtrack.

I am tired of bad ballads.
Sick and freaking tired.

My last love making session involved listening to Bobby Valentino. Frankly, I don't wanna hear that.
Nothing is sexy about that man.

Prince.
That's sexy.
I know I should be focused on the here and now of the sexual act but whenever I hear that mighty, mighty, squeal during the song, "Insatisable", I am in a different state of being and place.

The act of bedroom activities are comprised of so many things. It becomes artistically crafted into a wonderful display of creative competition and tempting role-playing.

So when Mr. Utimate Lover puts on Bobby Valentino, I know I am in for some corny ass mess.

This post might just be a rant about Bobby Valentino but frankly...
I hate wack sex soundtracks.

The summer makes you shallow

2005-06-23T12:11:00.000-07:00

Honestly, it really does.

Ever since I have been on my fitness kick I have embraced the fact that I have become a bit more contingent of phyiscal appearances.

I don't think that I am the end all be all of young black women everywhere, but I have a right to decide that I am not settling for the potbelly, husky fellows of yesteryear.

With this great observation I have devised the categories of which my brothas are falling into. I notice that men have slacked on "the keeping of the appearances", but I refuse to let "Jamal and His Colt 45 belly" enter into the heavenly gates known as, Thou Sugar Walls.

Ladies and Gentlemen I present to you...

Category A: "The I played Football in High School" Guy
This guy calls himself athletic because he still talks about the great game between him and some random ass high school back in 98'. What he isn't understanding is that his last memory of actually running out on someone's field was close to a decade ago and if he tried again he'd fall and break his neck.

Category B: "The all my Fat is Muscle, Girl!" Guy
Those rolls of fat on your hip are not extended hip muscles. That is just a collection of cellulite and cholesterol building in your system. When I squeeze it I don't feel "power", I feel Popeyes, KFC, and Church's Fried Chicken.

Category C: "The man that still wears tight ass shirts for no apparent reason what so ever" Guy
Yall know that guy. Apparently he considers himself mad fly. Yet and still, he an embarrassment to human kind. I dated a guy like this once. When I was 17, thinking I was grown and self-sufficient, I dated a male stripper from Watts Club Mozambique in Detroit. He had all the things going on that were hot in the day, light skinnededed, curly hurr, and was milking the "Ginufine Baby Hurr" look like he was Elgin Lumpkin's freakin' body double. He was a cross between a Kappa and a walking Texturizer commercial seen during Soul Train episodes.

What was I thinking at this point? I had no idea.

Either way he wore the tight shirt. The tightest shirt ever. We went on a date in Greektown to a spot called Fishbones.
He was sweating while eating and managed to be recongized by several big and beautiful black women as Sexy Diamond.
I pretty much was done with him.

Category D: The nigga that wears 5 T-Shirts to accommodate his skinny ass self
Boy. Eat some dumpling smothered in butter and gravy please. With a side of pork fat because that body will break by the blow of a subway system air tunnel.

Summer.
Makes me shallow.

From the Boards of a Site I support: OkayPlayer.com

2005-06-04T11:21:00.000-07:00

The poster known as poetx is indeed a fool:

How many times have you thought (or posted), "dang, why can't WE ever say the n-word without being subject to castigation, threats, and e-mean-mugging? pssh. you need, THE CARD!!! If you've ever heard those people talking about someone getting their 'card' revoked, this is the card of which they speak. and, thanks to the wonders of capitalism and market saturation, for a limited time only, we are making The Card available to others not of our persuasion!!!

act now to get Nigga Priviliges (tm) for the low, low price of:

* 400 years of chattel slavery
* 20-40 million (who's counting, though?) dead ancestors
* annihilation of your cultural record
* 160 years of apartheid
* incarceration of up to a third of your young adult males
* continuing housing and employment discrimination
* appropriation and exploitation of what culture you are able to reassemble under such abject conditions

what do you get with NiggaPrivileges?? Glad you should ask!!!

You, my prospectivenigga, get:

- ability to craft "I hate (former/current oppressive majority racial group) posts". boy that shit is fun and sooooo fulfilling. nothing like seeing the look on the faces of (former/current oppressive majority racial group) faces (whiten/redden/yellow/darken) with fury as you make up for centuries of genocide with the deep hurt that only powerless words can inflict!!!!! NiggaPrivileges is worth it for this benefit alone!!!

- ability to wear " (oppressed minority) Pride" shirts without being seen as intimidating {this offer good only in certain northern cities and major metropolitan areas -- in the South or in rural areas lacking critical concentration of (oppressed minority), backlash may apply"

- ability to be seen as 'cool' and 'hip' by (former/oppressive majority).

- ability to enjoy positive stereotyping. THIS one is great also. i get SOOOOO much pleasure out of (former/oppressive majority's) assumptions about my dick size, dancing, rapping and athletic ability, i tell ya. almost makes up for the jobs and housing thing...

*** fine print ***
NiggaPrivileges (tm) subject to credit approval, the availability of vast amounts of human and natural resources in your homeland, discernible phenotypical differences from proposed oppressor race (to ensure suitability for long term enslavement), and sufficiently advanced immune systems to withstand various poxes and plagues carried by oppressors. Failure to meet all approval criteria plus any non-specified others will result in denial of your application.

NiggaPrivileges (tm)!!!

Cuz sometime, we ALL jus wanna ack lak a nigga!!!!

axe about it today!!!!

Okay I am officially working in Hell's Database Reserve

2005-04-29T12:37:00.000-07:00

You know the movie Office Space? It exists in real life people.
Thanks to this new position I have I am working in Office Space.
Except my office has real black people in it. And Dilbert is not here.

Yet, I am to discuss the problem of people and bad breath for today's post.

The CEO has the worse breath I have ever smelled in my natural Black life.

His breath is Hummin' Comin' At Cha'

Straight Doo Doo No Chaser
It smells like he peed in his mouth, then went to the bathroom and went into the sewer system to get someone elses waste and eat it by hand. Then after that he ate some rabbit guts and cole slaw with a side serving of hamster pellets and washed it down with chitlins' (pig intestine for my white people readers).

Yes.
It is like that and then some.

Shit is on Fire!

I truly dislike this position and I have problems with my joints and stretching at the same time. I have the worse seating arrangements and I am always ready to leave that bad boy. Luckily, I recieved a job offer and I start working at Martha's Table on May 9th.

Thank You Jesus.

Manstrike Manifesto 2005

2005-04-29T08:37:00.001-07:00

I, MissLady, being of sound, mind, and body have declared May and June 2005 the official time of sabbatical and tentative break from those that are associated with the male species.

For this duration of time I shall provide no phone numbers or participate in any dating rituals. I shall also not take any phone numbers or offers for dating ritual pratice.

I will make a sole effort to take advantage of my fitness goals and also develop and/or cultivate other hobbies for my enjoyment and awareness level.

I will also look and feel divine and sexy as hell during this time. For myself only because I (being myself) am beautiful inside and out. I will make it an effort to read and focus on writing a screenplay or journal of this experience either online or in book form. I will document my experiences to share with those contemplating the trimuphs and struggles of times such as these.

I will busy myself with activities such as this:

Spirituality
Fitness
Dance
Music - DeeJaying and Collecting - I want to work Part Time at a Record Store
Web Design
Learning How to Swim
Working to save money for school
Fashion Design and Starting my Consulting Business
Spending Time with my friends
Learning How to Play Electric Guitar / Bass

and eventually moving to New York City

In regards to the male species I am allowed to do the following:

Exchange Email Information
Discuss Music in an musical environment
Work out with them
Hang Out in group setting involving my other friends

Manistrike Manifesto will begin on May 1st and end June 30th.

Manifesto motto: It's your fault you have blue balls! Bitch!

Thank You.

Small Minded Negroes get on my nerves OPEN LETTER TO BLACK MEN #1

2005-04-28T08:05:00.000-07:00

Just because I may be a little quirky does not mean that I am "white", "weird", or "crazy".

Yes. I shop at thrift stores and order off ebay. I do not like "Apple Bottoms" or "GUESS". I will not buy the new Azzure Denim jogging suit. Most of my jewelry is from other countries. Stop talking about the way I dress and kiss my ass.

No. I do not listen to the radio. That means I like better music than you. Do not be offended just take some time to explore the music I want to share with you.
Nigga!

Yes. I eat Sushi. WOW! Yes you can eat raw fish. That does not mean I am "weird".

Yes. I like wearing my hair many different ways. This afro that I have does not mean that I am going to go and read some poetry, bust out a chew stick and start tallking about the "REVOLUTION!". I will play some Slim Thuggah is this Mofo and get CRUNK.

BUY THAT NEW PAUL WALL BITCHES!!!

It just means that I have a lot more interests and experience than most other people that you deem to be of your cailber.

Well how about you aren't one of mine buddy!

Huh?

How about that!

Let's think about the fact that:

A. I am pretty. Eff that! I am freaking cute. And I work out!
I know more about nutrition and fitness than you think sweetheart and just because your haven't seen a gym since 2001 does not mean that I should just accept the fact that I should be with a man that does not work out or take care of himself.

B. I am one smart cookie sweetie! I am well traveled, well read, intelligent, and witty. My comedic stylings are appreciated by many once they get to know me and dammit I am always willing to learn and grow through wisdom. But your black ass cannot seem to gather the fact that I am not about being used for certain stuff. Just because I use proper grammar skills and pride myself on English literature does not mean that I am not from the streets. Get out of your box and shut the hell up.

C. Another thing...Don't try to catagorize me. Don't try to break me down into the category of the average woman. I am not made to fit in a box and frankly that is where you mess up. Hell! My idol is Grace Jones! You should already be ready to know that I ain't on that regular stuff.

D. I am mad crafty. I do my own hair, sewing, nails, hell I can even change the oil for my car. Yes, that is right. I do shit for myself but when you bring your unreliable ass into my life and say you wanna be helpful and shit and don't thats whack as shit. I do not need a man to do everything for me but if you cannot do basic stuff like return phone calls or courtesy then we clearly have mad problems.

E. I like to do exciting things. Fool! I don't wanna go the movies with you for a date. I can do that with my friends. Let's go out somewhere different. I like basic stuff too! I like fine dining and all, but sometimes I want to go and hit up laser tag and eat Taco Bell. And then the next day, I might wanna go see the Sankofa Movie series. Open your mind! I don't give a hoot or a hollar about how shady and systematically jilted you feel women are, realize I am not typical and shut the hell up.

It makes me sick when men mess up good things because they refuse to be open minded or be expressive. I will express myself (with tact) in any occasion. I know I am a quirky woman and all my friends are too. I am a good woman firstly. I know that I have a very giving and caring spirit. I like to be there for people and I get joy out of being a smile to someone's day.

DAMMIT!

My friends are a direct reflection of my interests and connections with people and the arts. If that poses a problem then move on.

Don't criticize my friends. Don't criticize my lifestyle!

ALEXANDER O'NEAL
GENIUS OF THE DAMN WEEK!
HIT IT BABY!

Song - Criticize

Can't you find something else to talk about?
Is this song the only one you sins?
Makes you look better when you put things down?
Value your opinion!
Don't criticize my friends
criticize my ideas
Don't criticize my life style
I'm fed up 'cause all you wanna do is criticize.
You've just closed your mind
ooh ooh - criticize!
Yov don't realize - all you wanna do is criticize.
I just want what is right
still you say
criticize.
Now can't we talk this over?
'Cause your conversation ain't right.
We can make our love stronger
you don't have to think twice.
Don't criticize my friends
criticize my ideas
. . .
You've just closed your mind
ooh ooh - criticize! . . .
You've just closed your mind
ooh ooh - critieize! . . .
Don't criticize my mode
dear
criticize my feeling
Don't criticize my tears
dear
I'm fed up 'cause all you wanna do is criticize.
You've just closed your mind
ooh ooh - criticize! . . .
You've just closed your mind
ooh ooh - criticize! . . .
You've just closed your mind
ooh ooh - criticize! . . .

Karma. I understand your purpose now. Please Stop!

2005-04-26T11:48:00.000-07:00

There is no gay, transgendered male singing a song about this mess in my world. Trust Me

I will admit that I have been shady to many an individual in my day.

Shady at work.
Shady to men and women.

I did not mean to be, but circumstances given I had to be. Therefore, I now understand what karma means. I am getting it in full circle. Ever since I have been here, in Devil City, I have dealt with an unreliable job, unreliable people, and just a jacked up frame of situations that I did not create or foster.

Understanding my wrong doings I now realize that karma is indeed a bitch, a hoe, and a loose ass motherfucka with a diseased penis riddled with a conucorpia of STD's.

Did I mention that Karma is a Bitch?

Well, with this wonderful acknowledgement I ask for karma to please...stop it.

I am truly done with this mess. I have learned my lesson and I defintely have made up for it by being a good woman, a faithful believer in Christ, and good friend to those whom I care for.

My prayers have addressed Karma and its shady cousin, Consequences, in full name and I am admitting to the fact that I am getting my share of desserts with a side of Annoyance, Disappointment, and Bullshit.

Bullshit has been the worse of course. It just so happens to come in a 40oz. bottle disguised as alcohol.

However, I know the extent of my karmaic drama and the cipher as I see it is ending.
I vow to never been shady again and I haven't been in a fair amount of time.

I value my life, my friends, and the experiences I have had.

But, seriously.

Karma...let the fuck up!

It is rather disturbing to see your faults that you have etched from your behavioral patterns during teenage life and college years coming back to you in the form of environments, relationships, and circumstances. I think my ability to accept them, hate them, but realize the purpose comes from a long line of being realistic and faithful for the good rather than the bad.

This newfound faith and honesty, in its essence, has sustained me from acting crazy and losing my perfectly divine cool, but I know damn well that Karma is cracking the hell up right now, watching me write this.

Yeah Karma.
Big Deal.
You recieved your shout out and your award for seriously getting on my last nerve.

You can stop it now.

Thanks,

Your Student - MissLady

Genius of the Day : Jaguar Wright

Song - Self Love

Open Letter to Black People #4

2005-04-24T12:17:00.000-07:00

Re: Q-Tip's New Song For the Nasty

He looks a little "questionable" in this photo, but do not get it twisted. He is 6'2 and I would shag him senseless. Suckers.

Black People. Please do not play this song out. This is a very hot song.
If I get a particular male in my life that I am sexually attracted to, funny and intelligent and treats me well, I plan on stripping to this song for him wearing a fishnet cat suit.

I mean on the pole, in the splits, and dropping in everywhere. Cause I can.

This song is that hot that I am asking you, My People, to not ruin this song.

You have already done this to the Amerie - One Thing song.

I probably should address this to the recording industry but you know exactly what I mean.

Please do not mess this up.

Thank You,

MissLady

P.S - Please tell Mary J. Blidge to stop singing over songs that are already out. She has done this twice within a two week period. Mary can do better than that.

I shole do want some cake...

2005-04-22T13:00:00.000-07:00

I's shole does want some cake ya'll.
Hmmmm-mmmmmmm!

But fitness reigns supreme.
I am excited about the change of weather and my fashion selections for the summer. I am proudly bringing the afro and the curl back and I desire to no longer dwabble in the straight-hair world again. If the world I live in cares about hair that much, then I guess I will have to disappoint.

My fitness regiment (which has been fab) aims for me to attain a body similar to this. And luckily, I am half way there:

Ya'll aint ready people.
NOT READY AT ALL

I try to set my expectations high. Yet, I find myself failing off and on. I seem to let my environment affect me in some ways and living in DC has been a pretty uneventful environment. Considering the vast and diverse Black community, I am becoming disillusioned with doubt over whether or not this area is condusive to the
business I want to start in the future.

Speaking of future...

I am excited about going back into Hair Styling. I called Dudley's and found out what I need to do. I'm so excited...I'm so EXCITED...I'm SO...

SCARED!

"There's no time. There's never any time!" - Jessica Spano - Saved by the Bell

Pray for me ya'll.
The year of change is upon me.

As for Drago, he 's steadily doing the right things and being a good friend.
He clearly has Jungle Fever.

I dont know how I feel about this.
I mean he loves to see me smile
I'm not there yet.

More Later ya'll. Holla!

Musical Genius of the Month: Prince - Have A Heart

I heard the news from a friend of mine and urs
She said the smell of missing me
was coming from ur pours!
She said I broke ur heart so bad
I didn't deserve u back
But don't u have 2 have a heart 1st b4 u get it broken?
Don't u have 2 wanna tell the truth b4 a word is spoken?
So what about the heartbreak?
Everybody's had one c
The fault of mine goes from LA 2 the streets of NYC
but I ain't cryin' about payments overdue
I got some milk but no drop is spilled
over things u put me through
Can't u c we're all just tryin'...
Tryin' 2 get this hustle on...
Lookin' 4 the righteous 2 buy in...
til we right everyone of the wrongs
So what about the heartbreak?
Everybody's had one c...
Have a heart

Miss Lady Godiva's Photo Commentaries Part 1

2005-04-21T06:40:00.000-07:00

Okay...
I just saw this picture. Several things come to mind:

Umm...Well

1.) 50 cent and Game look really cute together.
2.) This beef thing was stupid.
3.) Beef is soooo...1980's (look up your Hip Hop History people)
4.) Game has an NWA tattoo over his previous sun tat on his chest.

**Not to mention that this was the "Change of Heart" guy with the tongue ring.

_____________________

As for this photo:

1.) Clearly this woman has no real friends. If your girls, saw you doing this to yourself and allowing you to lie in court for a man that obviously did not have your back in the first place, they would snatch you up in a minute. The sad thing is she probably has the kind of friends that are like celebrity friends. You know the ones you go shopping with and the ones that you go to the club with. (i.e. Mary J. Blidge or Carmen Electra).
2.) I hope she gets some well deserved time to think after all this. I hate to see a sista in peril. Especially when it is based on creating her own "monster" mentality.

As for the date with "Drago", it was kinda of postponed. I twisted my ankle last night on the step bench during class at the gym. Luckily, he called and helped out by bringing bandages and medical advice. He even brought me some "Gushers" Fruit Snacks to cheer me up.

I love "Gushers"!
Hate if you want to, but recongize the potential.

That was so cute.

Luckily, it was wrapped up well enough and I decided to "pimp-walk" to work. When I got to the Metro at GWU guess who called me and helped me take my briefcase to the office?

"Drago"

**tee hee**

I think he might be trying to break my "Suge Knight" problem.
But, I really wish he was a Man of Color.

"Damn Gina" - Martin Lawrence
Race is a factor.

"I'M BLACK YALL" - Allen Payne

Ahead of her time...

2005-04-20T09:47:00.000-07:00

Today's Lyrics: Sorry I forgot all about them.

Kelis - Popular Thug

You know what I am
You know what I do well at least I thought you knew
They call me Pusha
Damn
I take you like a slap in the face
Everytime the bass is mentioned like I had bad intentions
Listen, I thought love was given
So for you I did those things you were missing
Never have to say
Please gimme borrow
As long as I got yay
And two semi autos
And connects in the jets
Like wetback Carlos
I ain't askin' you to follow
Just think about tomorrow
Please

I should have known by the way that you stared
Eyeing Passes by like you're rich but life ain't fair
But you make my record skip
Make my record skip
Make my record skip
Make my record skip
I would have never talked to you if I had known you was a popular thug
Hey, popular thug (you're damn right)
I would have never talked to you if I had known you was a popular thug
Hey, popular thug (you're damn right)

I can't help if I'm a thug and I'm popular
I think that come along with driving a shocking car
Watch the coke light up they life
The rocks with stars
Had fiends talking crippled
Cuz they locked they jaw
Aw Pusha T you think it's cool that you deal
Bout as cool as that breeze on the beach in Brazil
As long as fiends want pain
Then I'm gon' slang
When my financial change
Then I'm gon' change

I should have seen in the way you touched my hand
Shuffling your car keys
But sounded like a gentleman
But ya make my record skip
Make my record skip
Make my record skip
Make my record skip
I would have never talked to you if I had known you was a popular thug
Hey, popular thug (you're damn right)
I would have never talked to you if I had known you was a popular thug
Hey, popular thug (you're damn right)
I would have never talked to you if I had known you was a popular thug
Hey, popular thug (you're damn right)

You don't know it yet
It's the life that I live that you love
And the fact that I'm thug that had you holding techs
When you really didn't know what it was
But you did it out of love
Shit
Far from deprived
Give you all of you fetishes
Like treachervous necklaces, beget etceteras
Colors coming out make your head spin like exorcist
Spending bright futures in the hood
All them no good messages

I should have heard it in the way you said my name
While I analyzed your tone you were formulating games
But you make my record skip
Make my record skip
Make my record skip
Make my record skip
I would have never talked to you if I had known you was a popular thug
Hey, popular thug (you're damn right)
I would have never talked to you if I had known you was a popular thug
Hey, popular thug (you're damn right)
I would have never talked to you if I had known you was a popular thug
Hey, popular thug (you're damn right)
I would have never talked to you if I had known you was a popular thug
Hey, popular thug (you're damn right)

Hey, popular thug

"I must break you" - Ivan Drago

2005-04-20T05:47:00.000-07:00

I have a date tonight with this young man named Ryan.
Sweet guy, very handsome, open-minded and intelligent...
but in an Anglo Saxon kind of way.
That's right ya'll.

He is a "Keebler".
Not just an ordinary Keebler, but an "Ivan Drago" doppleganger.

To put in more modern day terminology:

He's a cracka.
6'5
Obviously works out...all the time
Even the hospital cafeteria workers call him "Drago" whenever he comes down for lunch.

Of course being the Black woman I am, I went down this morning and got the scoop.
Ryan is not from here. His parents are Swedish and he was raised in New York City.
Went to Columbia University and he is a doctor. Actually he is a surgeon.

Apparently he is mad cool with everyone. He hangs out in the back and exchanges Russian vodka with some of the workers at the hospital.

I also found out that he mostly dates "women of color".

Hmmmm...

This will be my first time ever going out in public, in a coupled setting, with a white male.

We will see...

**RAISES FIST**
I'm Black, I'm Black, I'm Black Ya'll - Allen Payne, CB4

Real Soul sistas like me don't grow on trees

2005-04-19T06:56:00.000-07:00

"It's through upbringing that starts our buds, struggle that begins our branches, wisdom that feeds our roots, and strength that shows as fruit." - Mary

Didn't that sound all Essence Magazine-ish? Did you expect a picture of a beautiful, Black, natural haired woman raising her hands to the sky, reaching towards the sun, and grabbing the life enegry of the day in preparation for whatever comes her way?

I hope you did. You should have.

Feel encouraged!

Spring is HERE!

Musical Genius of the Day: Grace Jones
Song: Nipple to the Bottle

Colour and warmth came into your world,
It makes me crazy,
When you don’t get what you want,
You scream and you shout,
You’re still a baby.

Don’t give me a line,
Keep the lid on the bottle this time,
I’m still a lady,
I won’t do it tonight,
I won’t do it tonight,
No way baby,
I won’t give in and I won’t feel guilty.

Rant and rave to manipulate me,
From the nipple to the bottle,
Never satisfied,
From the nipple to the bottle,
Now the cow must die.

Power and wealth surrendering myself,
It ain’t easy,
Embarassing my store by opening up my door,
When it’s breezy.

You showed me your force,
Exaggerated stamina and energy,
No place for that,
No place for that,
It’s not that easy.

Rant and rave to manipulate me,
From the nipple to the bottle,
Never satisfied,
From the nipple to the bottle,
Now the cow must die.

You ain’t gon get it, I ain’t gon give it,
You ain’t gon get it, I ain’t gon give it.

Colour and warmth came into your world,
It makes me crazy,
When you don’t get what you want,
You scream and you shout,
You’re still a lady.

Don’t give me a line,
Keep the lid on the bottle this time,
I’m still a lady,
I won’t do it tonight,
I won’t do it tonight,
No where baby,
I won’t give in and I won’t feel guilty.

Rant and rave to manipulate me,
From the nipple to the bottle,
Never satisfied
From the nipple to the bottle,
Now the cow must die.

I ain’t gon give it, you ain’t gon get it,
If I don’t give it, how you gonna get it?

I ain’t gon give it, you ain’t gon get it,
If I don’t give it, how you gonna get it? (fade)

Open Letter to Black People #3

2005-04-18T12:33:00.000-07:00

Memo #3
RE: The Bobby Valentino Song, "Slow Down"

Follow Your Leader

Just like the group, MISTA. This young man will be unheard of come June / July 2005.

Please get off this song's jock.

For real.

Thank You,

-brown.skin

P.S. Could you also send a memo out to the following artists as well regarding the jeparody of their future employment by the end of the year:

Amerie (again)
Ciara
Omarion and Marques Houston
B5
Anyone from the Bad Boy Label
Keyisha Cole

Lord...I'm sorry. Make the boredom go away. Please? Ahhhhh-men.

2005-04-18T11:53:00.000-07:00

We still homies right?**Looks Up**
Jesus?

The Bored Office Worker's Prayer:

Are You there God? It's me.
I just wanted to see if You were available for a minute,
I know that You hear everything I am thinking in my head right now,
I even stopped myself from daydreaming about sex during lunch, because I know that should keep my mind pure as much as possible.
See...I am getting right.
Cause I love You

So here is the deal.
I thank You for the opportunities You've given me
And the Trials
Tests
and
whatnot
That You have seen me through
Even though I am not all the way out the water
You are still showing me the pouring of blessings You have in store for me
I know I have to earn it and I know that I have the Victory
Thanks.

But seriously Lord...
I am bored
Bored as H-E Double Hockey Sticks!
Straight Up, No Chaser
Don't need an eraser
I have worked diligently and efficently
I even got a compliment today for my quick and detailed styling!
That was great!
But Lord...
One of your servants is maaaaaad bored.

I mean really I am in my early 20's God.
Job market all crazy,
Folks trying to make a sista intern with no pay,
And You know me and my relations with white folks is mad sketchy,
But I am working on that
Through Christ Jesus Your Son and all,
But God...
You see this... **points to office environment**
For real.

I know You are always there for me
And I am not complaining to You,
I could be way worse
And I just wanna say I love You again so You won't think I am being that
ungrateful Christian
Nobody likes them people
Well I mean WE (AS A BODY CHRIST) are supposed to with that loves thy neighbor rule
But come on..
As a Black woman,
We be saying stuff...
Usually it's wrong,
I'm just keeping it real.
See me? **Gives God Head Nod**
Okay!

But God
AND I KNOW YOU GET THESE KIND OF PRAYERS SOMETIMES,
Don't front...
But can You do some time tricks or something?
Pull out onna those miracles or something?
You know, "The Gospel of Luke" style?
That would be smooth ya know!

Oh can I put in some requests for prayer too?

Okay. Thanks alot!

Dear Lord,
Please Be with R**, L** and her grandmother,L*****,K*****,
K**** (even though he is one of those 5%), My granny and momma,
My birth "father", and anyone else I forgot.
And be with me and my job decisions please.

Also help the Popes pick a pope
For the Pope Job.
I hope that Nigerian cardinal gets the Pope Job.
He'd be a good Pope!
I mean I don't really know that for sure,
I just wanted to put my support behind a 'brotha'

Okay,
Well thanks for listening God!
I will be talking to You later.
This actually helped time pass by!
I knew You were understanding!
HA! (not laughing at You!)

Amen:)

Musical Genius of the Day: Mary Mary Song: Thankful

Lord i'm thankful for my blessings
everything that you gave
Times when danger was around me
My life lord you saved
Where would I be without your love
Where would I be without your grace
You didn't have to do it but I'm glad you did

Can't pretend that what I got
I got it on my own
Every move that i made
Can't say I never been wrong
When I fell you picked me up again
Thought I brought it on myself
I can always depend on you
Whenever I need help

Lord i'm thankful for my blessings
everything that you gave
Times when danger was around me
My life lord you saved
Where would I be without your love
Where would I be without your grace
You didn't have to do it but I'm glad you did

The next time you go to sleep
And you wake up alright
Remeber that he kept you safe
And warm all through the night
Lift your hands and lift them high
And this is what you say
Lord you didn't have to give me
One more day

Lord i'm thankful for my blessings
everything that you gave
Times when danger was around me
My life lord you saved
Where would I be without your love
Where would I be without your grace
You didn't have to do it but I'm glad you did

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you
It's plain to see
all that he's done for me
I thank you for everything
I live my life
So I can let the world
know that I am

Lord i'm thankful for my blessings
everything that you gave
Times when danger was around me
My life lord you saved
Where would I be without your love
Where would I be without your grace
You didn't have to do it but I'm glad you did

"I'm a African, I'm a African! And I know what's happenin'!" - Dead Prez

2005-04-17T07:00:00.000-07:00

They don't eat pork, but will sex a white girl. Hypocrites!

I am no longer rocking an afro unless I am wearing fake nails and some wack ass RocaWear outfit. I am so sick and tired of being put into the "Boho Box". You know, the catagory that means you have all of these items somewhere in your home:

a Djembe 200 door ringer with over 200 Djembe riddims....
"Jesus with Dreadlocks" picture
Don't forget the Dead Prez 'Skinnyman' shakes to wash down your Jill Scott Endorsed Food Whenever,Whatever Griller,Fryer, and Pressure Cooker
"kufi" draws................
Subscription to Boho Life & Style
The Just In Time Jasmine Shea Butter dispenser
A Conditioning Oil for Armpit Hair and Muff Care for Women
Speak and Spell 'My First Poetry Slam' toy for little Imani
Gift certificate to Everlasting Life Food Store
the colonic 3000 jacuzzi............
A hippie white friend
A collection of books from Shahrazad Ali
A Burlap Wrapping Garment in Order to Swaddle little Karim Ali
A collection of pretenious ass Neo-soul music
Where titles are simply fragments and runon ass words with bad punctuation.
ie: Maxwell:
GIRLINEEDTOLOVEINTHESANCTUARY:GIRL
camel hair clock that shouts "Peace!" at the god hour
Hemp & raw silk napkins
Five Percenter TI-89 and a third Calculator with todays Math Function
Wack Black Nekked Photography photos
"Lil' Lake Victoria" coffee table (((soul))) reflection pool
matching leather journals for the conscious poetry
Mahogany Bad Poetry Bookshelf
Set of Skinny African Statures from Target, $5.99
E.Badu Signature Kente Cloth Pot Holders
glass dish filled w/ cowrie shells for the coffee table
A big Fiberglass Scupltures of Panthers and NUBIAN KINGS
His/Hers matching chew sticks
A Red Black and Green Glassware set
Dr.Bonner's Heavenly and Enlightening Bathroom Mildew ScrubDr. Carter's At-Home Rice Paddy Kit
Ital Air Freshener
goat's milk & myrrh natural carpet shampoo
Nag Champa
West African Drum
Random Oils
Incense Holders
Khajeda Kufi Curtains
A Shake and Bake Vegan Bean Pie Mix with 12 refills
A framed Bob Marley Poster
"Blood of Shaka" crimson throw rugs
A yearly supply of Liliac scented 'Moldy Dread' body spray
Something Animal Print
A Huey Poster
A "Kill Whitey" Militant Black Male friend (accompanied with his white wife)

I am not fitting into any box. I got Nag Champa and a weave on!

Suckers!

Musical Genius of the Day: Ghetto Twinz - No Pain, No Gain

Mamma told me there be days like this you have to be bout your hustle if you
plan to get rich it always take a nobody to bring you down and it always take a
somebody to stand their ground have mercy on our kids today have mercy
surviving nd trying to make a way the killers got me packin heat I can't trust
them why you wanna capture me straight buckin there's always gonna be pain in
life, I ain't sayin it's gonna be easy, you got to gain some strength, just
because I'm from the ghetto it's even harder,I gotta be strong bustin my a$$ for
my son and daughter, don't call me a lie cause I'm livin proof, slangin drugs,
yes I use to, bust slugs if I have to, so don't tell me what you can't do or
won't do, just keep your head up and stay true

(chorus) No pain, (no pain) No gain (no gain) Repeat 3x's could be a cook in the
kitchen, a lady on the streets, you can't show your peeps every guy you meet,
it's alright to be a little sweet but be a momma to them kids and you know what in the sheets (repeat chorus 2x's)

Sister I know it's kind hard cause every day you gotta be strong being both
momma and daddy tryn to hustle now, any way you can just to bring home the
bacon, baby daddy fakin and keepin your head achin, takin sh*t on the job payin
$4.65 and now we feelin like slaves cause the white man still holds the powerbut
your strength will devour soon, remember that,because we're Gods children,
strong, fearless and black,fact remain it's still harder than a muther f*cker,
Lord how long are they gonna try to keep our children under, don't sit and
wonder, pull yourself up and stand firm, cause every bit of pain taken is a
lesson learned, you've earned the right to be a queen girl, so take your thrown,
and if your man is good then be his back bone, we're strong as Noah's arch we're
gonna make it through the rain again, I know it seems bad, but we gonna laugh after the pain again

(chorus) repeat 2x's

Out there stugglin and strivin, got me screamin for help, ain't nobody givin me
sh*t, gotta get myself, got my back against the wall, got me survivin it, can't
run, can't hide in the mist of the sh*t, who you gonna call when your kids get
hungry, not baby daddy, he left you lonely, only God know the pain that we fight
inside, don't you cry dry your eyes either do or die, momma made us strong women
gotta stay strong women, and bets believe we gonna make it through the storm
women, never let them see you sweat if your under pressure, pressure must bite
so don't let them stress you, don't let them get the best of you, cause if they
do it's gonna get the best of you, so keep true even though we fightin against
the world precious like a pearl, got me screain f*ck the world
(chorus) repeat 3x's

If I can't do the Running Man when I feel like it in the club, then clearly I am not going...

2005-04-16T21:07:00.000-07:00

Sorry 50, you won't find me in the club.

Let's make this clear and final. The club is not somewhere I like to go.
I am not 'hating' or being a loser, but if i am going somewhere dressed up uber-fly and have to be surrounded by music then I am dancing.

Dance like no one is watching.

There is time and a place to look 'crute', but if I'm trying to "Get It Started" up in here, then I should reserve the right to wear jeans. Places like Dream or H20 will never appeal to my tastes because who can dance to "We Sum Head Bussas"? Show me the dance to this song. What slow dance will I pull out when "Lovers and Friends" is put on the turntable. I can only listen to Lil Jon' and Bobby Valentino in desperate situations.

There is better way to spend $20 dollars of my hard earned money. I could buy a casual shirt or sandals. The possibilities are endless. Twenty dollars up in the club is simply a waste. When you tally up the prices, it resembles something like a MasterCard commercial.

Club Entry: 20 dollars
Drink Purchase : 7 to 10 dollars
Water: 3 to 5 dollars
MOET : 50 to 100 dollars
VIP Reserve: 50 to 500 dollars
DJ : Usually whack as hell

For all that I could be at home, in my basement, with a bottle of Merlot, listening to some real music, and doing every dance known to man for under 20 dollars.

If I start remembering dance routines from elementary school you are in trouble, yo.

I will make it 1993 so fast your head will spin.

Spin like a SOLID GOLD dancer!

People need to loosen up nowadays. Looking cute in the club only makes you look extra stuck up.

Stop pretending that you are not able to sweat a little. Half the women in the spot by their stuff at Forever "Fall Apart at the seams" 21 in the FIRST place! That alone gives you full permisson to cut a rug in that snug ass ruffle top.

White People, Guilt, and Protecting Their Silly Asses

2005-04-16T06:19:00.000-07:00

Welcome to another installment of my life: Day Saturday, April 16th and Time: Early As Hell. I am temping at this Emergency Services sect out of DC for some extra and well-needed cash. However, I am dressed a little too darn proper for this work environment. I could of shown up in a doo-rag, Seven Jeans, and an old Michigan Alumni T-Shirt. Instead, I am wearing dress slacks and a suit jacket. Am I annoyed? Yes. Will I wear this tomorrow? Hell and No.

This assignment deals with the security issues surrounding the IMF/World Bank protestors that are going be advocating "FREE WORLD, END DEBT!" chants and staging ill-informed and stupidly general acts of I'M ANGRY, I'M WHITE, and MY PARENTS PAID FOR ME TO STINK AND SMELL LIKE DOGSHIT and I LOVE BOB MARLEY! CHANT DOWN BABYLON!

I hate these people.
With a passion.
Emphatically!

My parents back home are freaking out about my well-being. Ever since my assignment ended in March, I have been in a race against time to find steady employment, coupled with benefits, and a night-time job in order to go back to "Hurr School" for the summer. Luckily, my contract was extended to next weekend, which means I will be working while hunting vigorously for solid employment and a steady salary.

God is still good, regardless.

INVOKING THE SPIRIT OF A TERRY MCMILLAN READER - MY MOMMA

I have noticed that I am becoming an 40 year-old, Black woman. For example, today I was jamming in the shower listening to Patrice Rushen, "Where There is Love" off the album, Straight From the Heart (the shit), and realized that I started doing the "Whoooo! They don't sang it like dis' no mo'!" For one, what the hell am I talking about? I was like 2 when the album, Straight From the Heart, was pressed out. I mean yeah I remember being in my mom's car, at age 5, and watching my mom sing loud and crazy whenever she heard her "JAM" come on the radio. That was embarrassing enough, riding with her down Joy Rd. being extra ready to duck down and avoid being looked at. Yet, slowly but surely, I am turning into a carbon copy of "the older, black woman that couldn't keep it together when she would hear Lenny Williams". Hell...All I need now is a Newport, Miller Draft 12oz., and an excuse to have a Bidwisk party.

"Damn...I am getting too old for all this" - Danny "Crazy Black Man" Glover (Lethal Weapon 1,2,3,and 4)

Musical Genius of the Day: Angela Bofill :Under the Moon and Over the Sky

In reference to the Kool Keith song,

2005-04-15T20:59:00.000-07:00

Stoney Jackson. For your joking pleasure.

Have a good weekend everyone!

Consistency. And I'm not talking pudding!

2005-04-15T12:02:00.000-07:00

Like Butter Baby!

I decided to start blogging like everyone else in this new media, too damn tired to get a newspaper society. However, just like in anything in life I find my self starting to actually use my account in the middle of April. Mind you, I signed up for this way back in 2004. Dah well...Carry on.

In the midst of the annoying, complex, often times loopy consuming life I have acquired, I am resolving to simply live, feel, and act better than the circumstances surrounding me. I am not preaching the words of some psycho-therapist and I did read any new collection of Dr.Phil, guilt-ridden material. I simply decided that I need to finally live. Living, in the essence of what I consider myself, A Black, Christian, strong female; has its share of complexities and essential bullshit. Yet, living has become an acquired skill.

I always wonder if one learn to "live" if life tells them they are already living it? I refuse to believe that I am living "life" as most of those would say. It is not a question that aims to become a Matrix-like conclave of empty answers and hypothetical quandrums. Life in its self is made up ideology from those who deems what is means to be happy. Does money always equate "happiness"? Of course not. But, does it allow to buy happy "things". Hell yeah!

More on this tomorrow...

Seriously. It's just that I have to pee.

God Bless

Wait! I forgot my daily lyrical genius of the day tribute.
I every weekday I will post a song full of extrapolating wordsmithing.
Today's "genius" is Kool Keith, from Electromagentic MC's. Off the album, "SpankMaster". Oh yeah, this negro is...just wow!

It goes a lil' summin like this:

This is a message - yeah
To all you jheri curl, cats - SOLAR - yknahmsayin?
You Chic kids, seventy-four niggaz, SEVENTY-FOUR niggaz
Fuck that I remember them niggaz with jheri curls
Nobody's hardcore niggaz who souped up ready for the world
Babyface in the deal, I keep shit real
Activator spray, you know how that shit feel
Only SOLAR Records was signin niggaz with curls
and givin Afro Sheen niggaz a deal
Aluminum foil suits, you niggaz know your roots
Like undisputed truth, lakeside, music niggaz, Zapp clap niggaz
I referee, watch them fight backpack niggaz
Big groups like Heatwave and War, carryin all that shit
Amp and costume shits on tour

Wake up! .. The sun's in your face
The sun in your face
Wake up! .. The sun's in your face
The sun's in your face face face face..
Wake up! .. The sun's in your face
The sun's in your face
Stoney Jackson!

Fuck you liar, tryin to come like you Earth Wind & Fire
Sly Stone picture with a DJ and a Numark mixer
Niggaz on Julius Earving dick, use a 76er fake Sir Nose
Larry Blackman was dissin rap with Cameo
I had my Lee dungarees on, and my right arm pickin my afro
Slave was my niggaz, I bought ten cans of gel activator
when Atlantic Starr was payin no mind to me in the front row
I wasn't FUCKIN with the Isley Brothers, the Gap Band
On stage all them shiny motherfuckers like Clear and Pure Energy
More jheri curl niggaz flyin into LaGuardia and Kennedy
I'm before rap, FUCK YOU, I'm the Public Enemy
Madison Square Garden security can't get with me
Don't bother me, motherfucker I'm busy!

This is my land, fuck K-Ci and the Sunshine Band
Wack-ass leather gear with them metal chemicals around your hand
Parliament/Funkadelic
Two niggaz comin out with that same shit like Bootsy
You ain't a true nigga
Alexander O'Neal perm type shit on your Ampex reel
Jimmy Jim and Terry Lewis production
Got Morris Day on the SSL board
with fucked up beats that need reconstruction
Vest on the cover of Jet with liposuction
Jheri curl niggaz like The Time got fucked up on their publishin
From TKO to Con-Funk-Shun, the Jet album was hot
The Family shit was bumpin
Fuck what you thought Stoney Jackson you was somethin!

Open Letter to Black People

2005-04-13T06:40:00.000-07:00

Where the baby at, Fantasia?

Memo #2

To Whom it May Concern,

"Baby Mama" is not a tribute song. It is a Black embarrassment. Just like BET and the entire Hip Hop Radio Industry. Single women with children should not be excited about having, Fantasia, create an anthem for you.

For examples of this please refer to the items below:

"Family Reunion" by The O'Jays = Classic Anthem
"Papa Was a Rollin' Stone" by The Temptations = Not an anthem, yet a classic song.
"I'll Always Love My Mama" by The Intruders = Classic Anthem
"Baby Mama" by Fantasia = Black embarrassment

See the difference.

Bringing a life into this world is a gift, not a hardship. However, this can easily be transcended through financial instability and poor relationship choices. Furthermore, being a single parent (i.e. baby mama) is not 'badge of honor'. No single parent is excited about raising a child on their own. If they tell you they are, look at the child for the confirmation of that.

Regardless of whether you choose to be a single parent or not, "Baby Mama" influences and furthers negative stereotypes of the Black Family and Black women. This is bad. Not 'bad' as in funky fresh, but 'bad' as in annoying.

Get it together.

Thank You,

Mary

Conversate is NOT a word

2005-04-09T21:20:00.000-07:00

Todays Black Memo:

Open Letter to Black People

Memo #1:

RE: Usage of the word conversate:

It really is not a word. Seriously, I have checked this one out. Please refrain from using this word, accompanied by a line when approaching someone, i.e: 'hollaring'.

Stop it.

Please see www.dictionary.com

Thanks,

Mary

Shahrazad Ali shole' was crazy

2005-04-05T10:02:00.000-07:00

I ordered a series of books from amazon.com the other day (Yes. I read books!).
I don't know what compelled me to order books from Shahrazad Ali, however, I was drawn to read, The Blackman's Guide to Understanding the Black Woman and How to Tell If Your Blackman is Gay. Just so we know where sistah girl is coming from I present to you this lovely photo.

**Notice the picture of Honorable Minister Elijah Muhammad above her extremely tall headgear. **

Sistah ain't takin' no guff!

I heard about her books from many of my fellow angry, black woman friends. After reading this for myself, I have drawn to several conclusions:

1. She is crazy but that doesn't mean she is wrong regarding these issues.
2. That she is adding to the problem, but it is not like she came thinking this way on her own.
3. Y'all ain't gonna like me after I write this, but oh well...kiss my half Nigerian ass.

Against the ongoing theme that Ali is promoting I do not agree with her theory that Black women should receive open-handed slaps to the mouth.

Not just a slap,
And OPEN-HANDED SLAP...

If anyone with a penis or a vagina slaps me...
I will go Kindergarten THERMOS, LUNCH BAG and LUNCHBOX on you.

Nor should we expect our men to have other women in their lives as partners IF they have committed themselves to us. Monogamy is good. As for all that polygamy dates back to our ancestry bullshit, I say this; back then AIDS wasn't rampant and men were out there working.

Not just some 9 to 5 job with benefits.
With a company car and 401K plans with an IRA option.

Negroes was building a damn house out of sticks and mud.
With irrigation system and shit.
Killing antelope and zebra to feed his wives and 17 kids, while shaving a boar.
Making home remedies out of wheatgrass and pepper.

These cats were making miracles and hunter packs out of rabbit guts and rhino snout.

THAT'S SOME HARD ASS WORK!

However, Shahrazad points out several key points. Thankfully, I have tranposed these into a lovely conglomerate of modern terminology for the everyday sistah of today.

"Wrote a song bout' it, like to hear it? HERE IT GO!" - Calhoun Tubbs - In Living Color

1. Black women, once committed and/or comfortable in a relationship, should not let themselves "go". Obviously, fitness and health are issues that plague our community and always have but when obesity and smoking are a part of the top five things that kills US (As a people!), clearly we have a problem. For me, I NEED the gym. I HAVE to workout, or Imma go out and CUT a white person on the street, in broad daylight, with a shank! (TOLD YOU I WAS EXTRA BLACK! **pumps fist**) If I was dating a handsome, intelligent brotha that worked out and kept himself together in the beginning and one year later had a potbelly, double chins, and a sweating problem then we are going to have to let something go: either that donut you're eating while playing Madden at 2:00am or YOU!

(Personally, if my man chooses Madden and a donut over sleeping with me at 2AM then you are definitely getting placed in the GOODBYE category)

2. I'll admit, we don't know when to show shut the hell up. My grandma trained me well into doing that we needed, but I am not going to submit myself to someone that obviously doesn't challenge me or give me a reason to make me feel like he could be a leader in a relationship. My generation, unfortunately, has a large percentage of ill-prepared men with sadly developed ideologies of manhood and maturity (as do women). Yet, for those that are luck to have acquired an individual that is the personification of a real man, don't eff it up by running ya mouth just because to want to see if you have control. I recommend that a man has the right to "shake the living life" out of you if you are getting a little to familiar with sounding "chicken-headish".

3. "You ain't gon' have me walkin' round here barefoot and pregnant if you ain't bringing home the bacon!" - My Granny (circa early 90's)

TRANSLATION: Do not get pregnant unless you are contracted with an agreement saying the following: MARRIAGE. Also, financially prepare yourself for a child. For those that have done it otherwise, I give you congratulatory praise and I support you. My mother, throughout the issues we have had, tried her best. Luckily, my grandmother was there and handled many of the responsibilties that my mother was unable to do. Given that situation I know, that for my ass, I need a man and money. I know what my granny went through with my mom. Give me marriage or give me death!

Of course, I will be adding on to this list throughout my wonderful blogging experience. Until then, or when I get through reading the 2nd installment of Ali's, The Blackwoman's Guide to Understanding the Blackman, I bid thee adieu!

Musical Genius of the Day:

Destiny's Child, with the song, Cater 2 U.

Baby I see you working hard
I want to let you know I'm proud,
let you know that I admire what you do
dont know if I need to reassure you my life would
be purposeless without you (yeah)
If I want it (got it)
When I ask you (you provide it)
You inspire me to be better
You challenge me for the better
Sit back and let me pour out my love letter

Let me help you take off your shoes
Untie your shoestrings take off your cufflinks (yeah)
What you want to eat boo (yeah)
Let me feed you
Let me run your bathwater,
whatever you desire, I'll aspire
Sing you a song
Turn my game on
I'll brush your hair
Help put your do rag on
Want a foot rub (yeah)
want a manicure
Baby I'm yours I want to cater 2 you boy

Let me cater 2 you
Cause baby this is your day
Do anything for my man
Baby you blow me away
I got your slippers, your dinner, your dessert and so much more
Anything you want just let me cater to you
Inspire me from the heart
Can't nothing tear us apart
You're all I want in a man
I put my life in your hands
I got your slippers, your dinner, your dessert
and so much more
Anything you want just let me cater 2 you

Baby I'm happy you're home,
let me hold you in arms
I just want to take the stress away from you
Making sure that I'm doing my part (oh)
Boy is there something you need me to do (oh)
If you want it (I got it)
Say the word ( I will try it)
I know whatever I'm not fulfilling (oh)
No other woman is willing (oh)
I'm going to fulfill you mind, body and spirit

I promise you (promise you)
I'll keep myself up (oh)
Remain the same chick (yeah)
You fell in love with (yeah)
I'll keep it tight, I'll keep my figure right
I'll keep my hair fixed, keep rocking the hottest outfits
When come home late tap me on my shoulder, I'll roll over
Baby I heard you, I'm here to serve you ( I'm lovin' it, I'm lovin' it)
If it's love you need, to give it is my joy
All I want to do, is cater 2 you boy

I want to give you my breath, my strength, my will to you
That's the least I can do,
Let me cater 2 you
Through the good (good)
The bad (through the bad)
The ups and the downs (ups and downs)
I'll still be here for you
Let me cater 2 you
Cause you're beautiful ( you're beautiful)
I love the way you are (you are)
Fulfill your every desire (desire)
Your wish is my command (command)
I want to cater to my man
Your heart (your heart)
So pure your love shines through (shines through)
The darkness we'll get through (so much)
So much of me is you (is you)
I want to cater 2 my man

If you disagree with me...chances are you're single because you're hardheaded

If you agree with me and you're single...it's cause you ain't settling for bullshit negroes. Keep the faith! And trust me: YOU'RE RIGHT!

Common and the upcoming BE album

2005-04-02T07:28:00.000-08:00

He's back!

I have been jamming this album since I got hold of it last week (in true CD Form). Let me be the first to congratulate Common for his hardworking on this new lyrical piece. Erykah must have did some major stuff to make you come back all hard and whatnot. I am just happy that the brotha isn't wearing burlap kufis anymore. I mean I love the Queen Afua thing too but seriously...Everyone likes the taste of chicken.

I don't want to say much in fear of being sued or attack by the RIAA, but BE promises to be a classic. Production wise, Kanye "the Konceited Kappa" West, does his thing, but that isn't the drawing factor of this album. Jaydee makes a few production appearances on this album and I actually prefer his styling under Common's vocals. I am probably being biased regarding this preference considering that I am a Detroiter, but Like Water for Chocolate, alone is still a better album than most people give it credit for.

"Whoooooo!" - Random Drunk White Guy Walking Down Street in Adams Morgan

2005-03-25T13:18:00.000-08:00

Drinkin'.

Yes, I do it.

Sometimes, when I'm feeling "hood" I might just whip out a Black and Mild.
HA!

Now what!

However, I have noticed that things White Folk do while drunk differ from OUR (As A People) kind of "things".

I'm not saying we're better (Who am I kidding? We are!) but let's compared shall we:

White Guy Drunk Will:

Shout for no reason
Pull stunt on camera
Moon people in cars
Drink till passed out
Scream for no reason
Hug random people
Kiss and make out with whomever is around with breasts
Yell "Whoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"
Tell some Black guy he is cool with that, "He thinks Black people are cool!"
Will dance badly (sober or not)
Gets extra hostile in certain situations
Turns red
Will beg DJ to play AC/DC - "You Shook Me All Night Long" or some rock song from the late 80's
Will riot like hell (turning over cars, trampling people,burning stuff, etc.)

Black Man Drunk Will -
Act a damn fool
Be quiet
Get really hype
Get horny
Get the courage to hollar at a woman in the club, get turned down, and say, "Fuck You then Bitch!"
Lose ability to control the "poke factor", while dancing with a woman
Start a fight
Lose ability to act like a sane individual when anything by Lil'Jon or 3-6 Mafia comes on
Be violent and horny at same time
Get in the corner at the bar or club and stay quiet cause he needs to "think"
Pee anywhere, i.e: in public
Call his girl or his momma cause he "misses them"
Stumble and trip over own feet (I have not seen a drunk brotha fall yet)
Have shit pop off in group settings, i.e: club (which is the major downfall)

Anyone have any other ideas?
Please post comments. Thanks!

I WAS BORN TO BE A STAR. ONCE I DECIDED TO ACCEPT THAT RESPONSIBILITY I WOULD NOT BE PLACED IN ANY MOLD THAT WAS LIMITING AGAIN. - Grace Jones

2005-03-18T16:10:00.000-08:00

http://greggormanphotography.com/v2/gallery/prints/html/imgs/gallery_large/Grace_Jones3.jpg

I love Grace Jones.
She personifies in every comment the essence of unlimited creative and artistic exploration.
Plus, she DID Dolph Lundgren.
White or not, that mofo was HOT!

Moreover, I admire Grace like a kindred spirit. I desire to always think, live, and breathe outside the box.

Even though this message will be short and sweet, I maintain that I will always accept my inability to blend.

I am who I am.
You either love me or hate me.

Simply Put...

I'm a demoltion man.

I have a Suge Knight problem...

2005-03-16T07:01:00.000-08:00

and I am not giving it up! Dag Nabbit!

...Well maybe I am?

Ya'll know this guy right?

Suge Knight.

When you hear the name Suge Knight what comes to mind for you? What phrases yell out to you?

Nigga?
Fear?
Big Ass Nigga?
Real Ass Nigga?
Nigga will kill you.

Do you know what comes to mind for me?

Sexy.
Really, really sexy.
Not a chump.
Sexy.
Big, tall DRANK (not drink) DRANK of water.
Yummy.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I have a Suge Knight problem. I don't know what to do about this. I know why I have this problem, but to the common sense thinker this is a awkward quality to like from a man. I mean most Suge Knight types, treat women like shit.

Seriously,
They really do.

Yeah when they love, they love hard. But mostly, they are self-absorbed asses with several "issues" or kids, and really really amped to fight or no reason whatsoever.

But, dammit I tell you.

"I can't help it, if I wanted to, couldn't help it nooooooooooooo" - Michael Jackson

"Aww wait minute...this song is my JAM!" - Any older Black woman riding in car listening to radio

(Deviating from topic for a moment)

Looking in my mirror
Took me by surprise
I can't help but see you
Running often through my mind

Helpless like a baby
Sensual disguise
I can't help but love you
It's getting better all the time

I can't help it if I wanted to
I wouldn't help it even if I could
I can't help it if I wanted to
I wouldn't help it, no

I can't help it if I wanted to
I wouldn't help it even if I could
I can't help it if I wanted to
I wouldn't help it, no

Love to run my fingers
Softly while you sigh
Love came and possessed you
Bringing sparkles to your eyes

Like a trip to heaven
Heaven is the prize
And I'm so glad I found you
You're an angel in disguise

I can't help it if I wanted to
I wouldn't help it even if I could
I can't help it if I wanted to
I wouldn't help it, no

And I'm so glad I found you girl
You're an angel in disguise

I can't help it if I wanted to
I wouldn't help it even if I could
I can't help it if I wanted to
I wouldn't help it, no

(comes back) Whoooooooooooooooooo!
That's the HIT!

You would think a sweet, intelligent, creative yet quirky woman like myself would be against dating risky ass, usually self absorbed, and aggressively disrespectful men such as this.

Don't get it twisted. I do love the nice guys and they usually have great repetoire with me. But, let me be forthright and honest.

I am a strong woman.
Strong Black woman at that.
Not a hood rat, but a well raised and trained good ass woman.
That knows herself, her Bible, and will not take any guff.
But, let's be honest.
I don't want to be always be in control and if a man cannot take some type of leadership role in a romantic relationship.

If he isn't my equal in that sense, then I lose interest.
Quickly.

When I am outta line, shake the shit outta me! Please!
Don't hit me...I will cut your face.

But, you can shake me. Then make sweet, sweet "muskrat love" to me.

"Up against the wall, on the kitchen table, by the buttered ROOOOOOLLSSSS" - Robert Kelly

But there is difference between having a Suge Knight and then having an ass hole.

Assholes usually run the gamete of being unreliable and mostly non-descriptors.
They claim to be easy but essentially are asses without any remorse for whom they encounter because they lack functionality of emotions, care, concern, and neglect to express themselves in direct manners of 'real-talk'. Usually the asshole takes the formed emotion of apathetic or inconsiderate. More often then not, if they meet a good potential match, they are either into them or not but usually set the tone of fucking it up because they play by their own rules. Advice is a seemingly bad thing for them and its proves to be ill-conducive to continue friendship or even attempt to "keep them" around. Trust me, keeping them around when they treat you like shit even after a romantic possibility seems dead, is a bad idea. You will be greatly disappointed.

That's not a "Suge Knight" nigga.

A "Suge Knight" nigga is the kind that does the "My word is my bond" type deal. These men act like 50 year old bar owners but are really between the ages of 24-35. Meaning you better be about what you know you about, "my time is my money" type style of trust. Usually they consider all women the same but in all essence they fit the bill of being a bit too fucked over by the wrong woman, so that when they get a real woman, they really mess that one up. When they love, they love hard...if they love they love well. It is either hot or cold with these types. I usually find myself with these types and all goes well. I'm the one usually breaking it off because of traveling or being too busy. I was engaged to one of these kind of men.
Then I went to Los Angeles...Oh well.

Either way it goes. You should never make these men (either type) into potential husbands.

Flings? Maybe.

Long term? Eh maybe but don't expect anything out of it. You'll be greatly disappointed. (i.e. - my mommie)

Have I dated both of these types in my young life? Yes.
Do I purposely seek these men out? No.
Am I currently single now? Yes
By choice? Yes and No.

Am I dealing with any of these "Suges" right now?

Yes.

Unfortunately...I think I might have got the asshole version based on last night.

Didn't get a Happy Birthday
Didn't get a card
Didn't get a Happy Birthday

Even my ex-fling when I was in LA, in the League called me from Oakland and wished me a Happy Birthday.

My friends wished me a "Happy Birthday".
My acquaintences did as well.
Niggas I played MAD SHADY, wished me a "Happy Birthday".
The bar-maid at the Sushi Bar did also.

He ain't my man, at all.

But yeah...
On top of other things?

**Shrugs Shoulders**

End.

The Everyday Plot

2005-03-06T13:44:00.000-08:00

Get Up
Get Out
Do Something
Go Home
Sleep

*repeat daily*
*change order of actions only on weekends and holidays*

Open Hours are from: 10 to 8
Closed Hours are from: 11 to 8
Breaks are assigned based on measure of work.

Lady Godiva Speaks

2005-03-05T05:44:00.000-08:00

Relish in many things in life, but always relish in yourself, first.

First Thoughts will be posted later.

Peace